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The Gentle Giant

Meet Rooney, the Goldendoodle.

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He’s quite the conversation piece wherever he goes. He does, after all, look (and act) like a living, breathing cartoon character.

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My husband and I have recently come to the conclusion that we’ve created a monster in this fuzz ball…because we treat him as if he’s one of our children. I mean, he was our first born!

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But Roo Roo annoys the living shit out of me. He eats everything and anything (last night he ate a spider and a dryer sheet for dinner/dessert). He constantly barks as soon as the baby goes down for a nap. He licks every effing dish I put in the dishwasher. He steals dirty underwear from the hamper and tosses them around the house like toys.

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Roon is also one-of-a-kind. I’m not saying this because he’s my dog and we love him and all that good stuff. He is LITERALLY a 1 in a million dog.

Why, you ask? Well… as any good dog owner does we took him to get neutered as soon as he was old enough. The vet who performed the procedure called us afterward and told us that Rooney had some sort of blood disorder and he was bleeding a lot during the operation. She said she acted quickly and removed WHAT SHE THOUGHT were his balls, but she wanted us to have the… uh em… “Specimens” tested. So we did. Turns out she removed lymph nodes and not his testies.

So here’s where it gets real good. We had to pay for the unsuccessful operation and the testing of the non-balls. THEN a few months later we had to take him to see a specialist. Just walking through the doors of this “specialists” office costs $60 a pop. But knowing Roo may have had some sort of blood disorder we wanted him to have the best care. After a series of testing and multiple appointments, we scheduled the poor dog’s second neutering.

I was a nervous wreck. I was so scared something was going to happen to our furbaby while he was under the knife. Afterall, the first vet told us he had a blood disorder! (even though follow up testing showed nothing.) Two hours after dropping him off – my husband’s phone rings. I’m paraphrasing… but here’s how the conversation went:

Doctor: Rooney’s dad? We’re calling to tell you that he’s in recovery now. He’s doing fine…

Husband: Oh good.

Doctor: But we were unable to locate his testicles.

Husband: Excuse me?

Doctor: Your dog was born without balls. It’s very rare. In 20 years of performing neuterings on dogs this has never happened to me. I’ve read about it happening, but the chances are slim.

So there you have it folks. Roon Dog was born WITHOUT BALLS. The best question EVER (from my mom) was…”So WHAT is he?” Well, he does have a penis mom… so he’s still a boy.

We still love our ball-less baby just the way he is.

I love how he jumps up and actually hugs me when I get home from work. He’s massive, but thinks he’s a lap dog. And best of all… he loves his little sis and is incredibly gentle with her.

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So on the days when he grabs a dirty diaper and runs away or drinks out of a piss-filled toilet bowl (yes, that happened this week)… I watch this video.

We love you Roo Roo. 

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